imsoglitter:

imsoglitter:

Women are from Venus because it rhymes with penis (thing that women have) and men are from Mars because if you rearrange the letters in ‘mars’ you get 'arms’ (thing that men have)

This gender shit is easy

riverside–wren:

dicksizer:

You joke, but there was a famous trans American jazz musician named Billy Tipton who had 5 wives, and he successfully hid the fact that he was trans from 4 of them by claiming that he lost his dick in a car accident. He was only outed when he died in 1989 at age 74.

King shit right here.

sharkodactyl:

call me a first level warlock the way i can do one thing before i need to lie down for eight hours

wizard-council-bureaucrat:

“Your ancestors are amazed at all your spices!”

“Your ancestors are impressed that you are an educated woman!”

“Your ancestors are proud that you are thriving in spite of what society did to them and you”

It’s all very sweet! But! Necromancy! Is! Still! Illegal! Your ancestors are going back in the ground!

Stop resurrecting them to show off!

sexchangedotcom:

i do not consume art btw it consumes me and its teeth are scary sharp

paranorahjones:

baba-fett:

Reblog to bonk your mutuals on the head every time they start thinking negatively about themselves

specifically this kind of bonk.

bettedavisgf:

cat purrs are so funny they’re like hello i need everyone to know. that i am cozy

daftpatience:

the way that guy does those videos

edwordsmyth:

There is an infinite mystery at the core of your existence, and capitalist culture is here to help you disregard and remain totally oblivious to it.

jingerpi:

ALT

also let’s ppl as young as 14 drive the death machines we call cars to and from their job late at night

let me re-emphasize this part:

rysttle:

The GonGOOOOZLER!!! Has TAKEN!!!

evabrighis:

endless list of favorite characters ♡ lizzie mcguire (lizzie mcguire)

the yearbooks are coming out and i’m gonna have to sign “you rock, don’t ever change!” like 800 times. and clearly, a lot of these people do not rock and hopefully will change.

jaehyungs:

💖

allieinarden:

Over the Garden Wall is great because you can watch the entire thing in an hour and fifty minutes and then think about it nonstop for the rest of your life.

maricon-carne:

skellydun:

I told this woman I work with to have a happy birthday tomorrow since she’s off and she did a double take before asking me how I knew that. when I first started as their boss I made a note of everyone’s birthday so I could get them a card/small gift. I told her that and she stared at me for a few moments before saying “I don’t like that. no you don’t know my birthday. unknow it” then walked away. so this woman I work with has never been born and I’ve never met her in my life.

Im sorry but unknow it is so fucking funny